


The Complete Story of our Lives in 20ish Chapters

by IlaikHeda



Category: Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Happy Ending, I guess there could be angst, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2020-09-06 06:00:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20286556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IlaikHeda/pseuds/IlaikHeda
Summary: Here lies the story of how Brendon and Ryan met, became friends, fell in love, and everything in between





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So here’s another crappy fic. I wrote the first couple chapters a while ago, so here goes nothing. I’ve had writers block for what seems like forever and I realised that I haven’t posted the next chapter to Welcome to the Dark Days of this Secret Life Untold. I’m so sorry for that. 
> 
> So here’s a quick shout out to my best friend...WrItErS bLoCk
> 
> Also, if anyone has any suggestions on a better title...please tell me

Chapter 1

Here’s how they became friends

Brendon hated school. It was the stupidest thing ever. Why should anyone force kids to learn stuff? It’s stupid and boring.

“Are you excited for your first day of 2nd grade?” His mother asks. She smiling widely. 

“No,” Brendon pouts. He doesn’t want to go. He doesn’t know anyone. What if no one likes him?

“Don’t worry sweetie. I’m sure you’ll have fun today. You’ll meet lots of new people!”

“But I don’t wanna,” Brendon whines. Meeting new people is scary. 

“You’ll be fine,” his mother says. She stops in front of his new school. Lots of kids are walking into it. “I love you. Have fun!” His mother says. Slowly, Brendon gets out. He follows the stream of kids. His mother had written the name of his classroom on his hand. He checks it. Room 106. He looks up at the doors around him. He’s right by his room. Walking in, he sees a kid already in the room. He’s alone too. Brendon sits next to him.

“I’m Brendon,” Brendon says to the boy. He looks at him.

“My names Ryan,” Ryan says. He’s shy, red creeping onto his cheeks. 

“That’s cool. So are you new here too?”

“Yes.”

“Me too! Where are you from? I was from a place called Los Vegas,” Brendon says. He can’t stop talking now. He’s shy until he starts talking. 

“I’m from Orlando. It’s in Florida,” Ryan answers. He doesn’t seem as shy now. Maybe he likes him.

“What’s it like there?”

“It’s warm. We lived on the beach. The sand was always warm too. The waves helped me sleep,” Ryan recalls. He smiles at Brendon. 

“That seems super cool! I wish I could see the beach. My old home was really hot. The sun never went away and it never rained.”

“It rained a lot at my old house. I liked it. It made the air cool.”

“Lucky,” Brendon says as the bell rings. The rest of the students fall silent. The day goes by quickly. When the last bell rings Brendon jumps from his desk and runs to get his book bag. Ryan stays at his desk. As much as Brendon wants to wait outside for his mom, he would much rather wait with Ryan.

“Where is your book bag?” Brendon asks. Ryan looks at him.

“I left it at home today. It has a really cool design on it! It had Batman and it’s just so cool!” 

“I wish mine had Batman on it. Mines boring, it’s just red.”

“I think it looks cool. Maybe we could color it different colors?”

“Ooooh that’s a good idea. Blue and white to look like Superman!”

“Superman is cool! He’s strong and fast. I wish I was like him,” Ryan says. He prefers Batman but if Brendon likes Superman then he will too.

“Batman is strong and fast too! He has a super cool car too.”

“He does! At my old house I had my own room just like Batman! I kept my favorite toys there. My dad is helping me make a new room. What if you helped me make it too? It would be so much fun!”

“That sounds like fun! My mom’ll be happy I met a new friend! I can’t wait!”

“Brendon! Your mother is here!” The teacher shouts. Brendon hugs Ryan and runs out the door. He’s so happy he met Ryan. They are going to best friends. This is the best day ever!


	2. First Hug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is all of Ryan and Brendon’s firsts
> 
> If that makes sense

Three years have past since Brendon and Ryan met. Today is the beginning of spring break of their 5th grade year. The final bell of the day rings and the boys run out the door.

“What are we going to do first?” Brendon asks. They’ve been planning their spring break for weeks. 

“We should go to the creek!” Ryan says. The creek is one of Ryan’s favorite places. It’s quiet and beautiful. They discovered the place when they were in third grade. 

“Okay. What should we do there?” Brendon asks. He wants Ryan to choose the rest of their day. Ryan’s dad had gotten sick a few years ago. Last week Ryan’s dad was told he only had a little time left to live. 

“I don’t know. Maybe we could look for cool rocks in the water? Or maybe look for shells,” Ryan suggests. They come up to Ryan’s house. Ryan pulls out his key, but the front door opens for them. Brendon’s mom looks at the boys before stepping aside to let them in. Ryan gets a sinking feeling.

“We’re gonna go to the-“ Ryan starts but he doesn’t finish. He sees him mom crying, Brendon’s dad hugging her. He looks at Brendon, who has a blank expression on his face. “What’s goin’ on?”

“Oh honey...your father...he- oh lord. Ryan your father...he’s not here anymore,” Ryan’s mom says. She pulls away from Brendon’s dad. Ryan’s confused. Where would his dad be?

“Where is he then?” Brendon asks before Ryan can. Ryan’s mom starts crying again.

“Your father has passed away, Ryan,” Brendon’s Mom says quietly. Ryan freezes. 

“What?” Ryan asks sharply. 

“He passed away a few hours ago. We thought it would be best if we told you after school,” his mother explains through tears. Ryan slowly backs away from the adults. He turns and runs out the door. He soon finds himself at the creek. This is all wrong. He knew his dad was really sick, but he promised he would get better. He lied to Ryan. 

“Ryan!” Brendon shouts. He runs to the side of Ryan, giving him plenty of room. Ryan feels the emotions climbing up him. Tears form in his eyes and they spill over. Brendon doesn’t know what to do. Ryan’s hands cover his face. He’s never seen Ryan cry. Ever. 

“Brendon,” Ryan somehow says through his sobs. He slightly sways and Brendon is immediately there, his arms wrapping around the boy. Ryan’s legs practically give out, which leaves Brendon holding Ryan up. As terrible as both boys feel about Ryan’s dad, neither can deny that hugging each other feels right. Maybe they were both caught up in the moment, but Ryan feels a flicker deep inside him. Something that can be felt over all his grief. 

“I’ve got your back Ryan. I’m here for you,” Brendon whispers. Ryan nods his head in acknowledgment. 

“I know. Thank you Brendon.”


	3. First Truth or Dare

“I really don’t want to go,” Brendon says. Ryan is standing in front of his mirror in his room applying black eye liner. 

“It’ll be fun Brendon. We won’t stay the whole time if you don’t want to.”

“Ughhh. I don’t wanna go though,” Brendon whines. 

“This is the first party of our seventh grade year. We aren’t going to miss it,” Ryan says, leaning away from the mirror. He puts away his makeup and drags Brendon out the door. The party was only a 5 minute walk from Ryan’s house, but it felt like seconds to Brendon. As they approach the house, they hear music blasting out of the house. The boys let themselves in. 

“Ryan! Brendon! Hey, thanks for coming!” Brent says when he sees them. His house faintly smells like sweat, alcohol, and smoke. 

“No problem,” Ryan says pulling Brendon to the corner of the room where no one is. “You can leave if you want.”

“I’ll stay. It’s not as bad as I thought,” Brendon admits, smiling at how reluctant he was to come. Ryan smiles back. Hours later both boys are basically drunk and are sitting in a circle on the floor of the living room. 

“Who wants to go first?” Brent asks. He had a water bottle in his hand, trying to wash the alcohol away. 

“Truth of dare?” Some kid named Dallon asks. 

“Truth,” Brent replies. Dallon grins.

“Tell us ‘bout the girl you were kissing.”

“Name’s Kate. Don’t know anything else,” Brent says blushing. “Brendon, truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss Sarah,” Dallon says. Brendon looks at the girl sitting next to Dallon. She has long dark brown hair, and bright eyes. She looks at Brendon expectantly. He doesn’t want to kiss her, but he has to. Slowly, he crawls across the circle and plants his lips on Sarah’s. She moves her lips beneath his. She pulls away. Brendon sits back next to Ryan. His cheeks are flushed.

“Spencer, truth or dare?” 

“Bro, why me? Um, dare,” Spencer says.

“I dare you to tell us how long your dick is,” Brendon says, earning a high five from Ryan.

“Shit man. Do I have to? Damn it. Five inches,” Spencer mumbles. “Truth or dare Ryan?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to lick Brent’s foot.”

“That’s nasty,” Ryan protests as he crawls to Brent and pulls of his shoe and sock. He licks his foot. “Ok, I’m done playn’ that was too gross. B do you wanna go home?” Ryan asks, sitting back down next to him. 

“Yeah, my mom’s gonna kill me. I’m drunk,” Brendon says. His family is really Christian and are highly against drinking and all that.

“We’ll just go to my house. My parents are out of town,” Ryan says standing up and helping Brendon up. They walk out the door. Ryan’s house is a ten minute walk. 

“I think I hate truth or dare,” Brendon mumbles. Ryan looks at the boy beside him.

“Why’s that?”

“I didn’t want to kiss Sarah.”

“She’s one of the most popular girls at school!”

“Do you want to kiss her?”

“I-well...yes. No. I don’t,” Ryan stammers. He doesn’t want kiss Sarah, or any girl for that matter. He can’t tell Brendon that. What if he hates him? 

“See? I just...it didn’t feel right kissing her.”

“If you could kiss anyone, who would you choose?”

“I don’t know.”

“I think you do,” Ryan pushes. He’s seen Brendon flirt with girls, but he never wants to date them. 

“I do know. But I’m not saying who.”

“Why not?” Ryan whines. He bumps shoulders with Brendon.

“You’ll hate me.”

“Not true.”

“I’ll tell you one day,” Brendon says. Ryan thankfully drops it. It’s not like Brendon doesn’t trust Ryan, because he does. It’s the fact the people don’t respond well to admitting that you want to kiss your best friend.


	4. First Real Kiss

It’s been a couple months since Brendon and Ryan played truth or dare. Sarah had been giving him glances at school and even put a note in his locker. Today, as he opens his locker a note falls out. Groaning, Brendon picks it up. It says.

Brendon,   
Meet me by the flagpole. I need to tell you something.  
Sarah❤️

“Brendon?” Ryan asks. He takes the note from the boys’ hands. “Are you gonna go?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to,” Brendon admits, shutting his locker. Ryan leans on the lockers.

“Why wouldn’t you go? Sarah is the most popular girl in school and she wants to see you. I bet it has something to do with when you guys kissed at the party.”

“Because I don’t like her Ryan.”

“What?”

“She’s not my umm...type,” Brendon admits. He hopes Ryan will drop it, but of course he doesn’t.

“So what is your type?”

“Not people like Sarah.”

“So you like nerds?” Ryan asks sceptically. He’s never seen Brendon flirt with nerds before.

“No, they aren’t my type either. I’ll just go see what Sarah wants,” Brendon says. He walks away from Ryan. He wants to be open with him, but too much is at risk. He sees Sarah by the flagpole. Some of her friends giggle when they see him walk up. “Hey Sarah.”

“Hey Brendon,” Sarah flirts. She twirls a strand of hair around her finger.

“What is it you needed to tell me?”

“Will you go out with me?” Sarah blurts out. She blushes a deep red. 

“I don’t...Sarah I can’t. I’m sorry,” Brendon says. 

“Why not?”

“I don’t like you.”

“But you kissed me. Remember? I thought something would come from it.”

“We were playing truth or dare. I don’t want to date you.”

“Why can’t we just try Brendon?”

“Because I know it won’t go anywhere,” Brendon says. He walks away from Sarah, who is now crying. He feels bad that he hurt Sarah’s feelings, but he would hurt her worse if they tried to date. He walks home alone. When he opens his front door he hears his mom making dinner. “I’m home mom!” Brendon says as he walks into the kitchen. 

“How was school today?”

“It was okay. We didn’t get any homework, so that was good.”

“That’s good. Ryan’s waiting for you in your room by the way.”

“Thanks mom,” he says. When he opens his bedroom door he sees Ryan on his phone laying on his bed. “Hey Ryan.”

“Hey. So how’d it go with Sarah?”

“She asked me out,” Brendon says as he sits next to Ryan. He puts down his phone.

“What’d you say?”

“I said no,” Brendon replies simply. He looks at Ryan, deciding if he should admit something to him.

“Wow. I thought you would say yes.”

“I knew it would never work out. I don’t think I’ll ever have feelings for her,” Brendon admits. He’s treading in dangerous water. 

“Oh. Does this have something to do with why you didn’t want to kiss her when we played truth or dare?”

“Yeah. It does. I’ve been meaning to answer something you asked a while ago.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. You asked who I would rather kiss instead of Sarah...”

“You refused to answer. So who is it?” Ryan asks. He looks right into Brendon’s eyes. 

“You,” Brendon whispers. He leans his head towards Ryan’s. Ryan meets him half way. Brendon was sure Ryan would push himself away, but no. He kisses Brendon back. When they pull away both are slightly out of breath.

“Wow,” Ryan whispers. 

“Yeah. Wow.”


	5. First “Real” Argument

“Sarah tried to ask me out again,” Brendon says, flopping down into Ryan’s bed. 

“Did you tell her the same thing as last time?”

“Yes.”

“Why? She would be perfect for you!”

“Because I don’t like her.”

“I think you’re nervous to be in a relationship,” Ryan says. He looks right at Brendon. 

“I know I’m not nervous. I don’t want to date her!”

“Yeah, you’ve said that before. But why? And don’t give me some crap about her not being your type! That’s complete bullshit!” Ryan yells. 

“If I date her, it’ll be a one way thing! I would be dating her out of pity, not because I want to be with her! Get that through your head Ryan! I don’t want to be with her!” Brendon shouts back. He’s once again treading in dangerous water. One slip and it’s all downhill from there.

“Why can’t you just try?”

“I don’t see you trying! There are plenty of girls who are lined up to date you. I bet that if I try to get you to date one of them you’ll tell me that they aren’t your type!”

“Because none of them are my type!”

“Then what is your type?”

“What’s your type Brendon? I’ve been asking for weeks,” Ryan asks. He glares at the younger boy on his bed.

“Skinny. Not super athletic. Smart. Shorter hair.”

“Mine is sporty. Funny. Dark hair,” Ryan answers. He knows Brendon is right. 

“Okay.”

“Okay? You aren’t going to try to set me up with one of them?” Ryan asks. He isn’t glaring at Brendon anymore.

“I won’t, because you don’t like any of them,” Brendon answers.

“I was just trying to help you!”

“How? Because it wasn’t helping,” Brendon asks harshly. He walks out of Ryan’s house, leaving behind their argument.


	6. First Coming Out & Relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a combination of the original chapters 6 & 7

“Hey Ryan? I need to talk to you,” Brendon says. Ryan closes his locker. It’s their last day of freshman year. 

“Yeah. What’s going on?” 

“Let’s walk to the creek. I’ll tell you there,” Brendon says. He’s starting to get nervous. Ryan puts his hand on his shoulder and they walk to the creek. The boys make small talk on their way. Brendon drops his backpack in the sand of the creek bank and Ryan does the same. 

“You ever had a secret you were scared to share, but you just can’t keep it in anymore?” Brendon asks. He’s terrified. Sure they’ve kissed before, but admitting that he’s gay is another thing. 

“Yeah. I think we’ve all had something like that,” Ryan responds. He looks at the creek water, not at Brendon.

“I’m so scared to admit it. To myself or to anyone else,” Brendon says softly. He wipes his hands on his jeans. 

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Ryan says. He finally looks at Brendon. 

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you. I’m just afraid of what you’ll say.”

“Why are you afraid of what I’ll say?”

“Because I’m not supposed to be this, but I am. If my parents ever found out they would kill me,” Brendon says. His voice wobbles. 

“What aren’t you supposed to be? Whatever you are, it’s not going to matter to me. You are who you are.”

“I’m not supposed to be gay, but I am,” Brendon whispers. He can feel tears forming in his eyes. 

“So what if you’re gay Brendon? That doesn’t change anything about you. You’re still my best friend,” Ryan says. He hugs Brendon. Brendon cries into Ryan’s shoulder. 

“To be honest, I’m not straight either,” Ryan says softly. Brendon relaxes in his arms. 

“I’m not alone,” Brendon whispers in relief. 

“No you aren’t. Do you wanna talk about it?” Ryan asks. They pull away from each other. Brendon nods. They both sit down on the ground.

“That would be nice. I’m so scared Ryan. What if my parents find out? They hate people like me.”

“My parents don’t like people like us either. I don’t know what to do if they find out.”

“So what do we do?”

“I don’t know. We won’t tell anyone. “

“Who would I even tell?”

“Brent?”

“Yeah, no. Who would you tell?”

“Dallon? Maybe Spencer. But I wouldn’t tell them. They would ask too many questions.”

“They would. I do have a question. When did you know?”

“When you kissed me. But before then too, when we played truth or dare and you kissed Sarah. I kept on trying to picture me kissing a girl. It just didn’t seem right. When did you know?” Ryan answers. He looks at Brendon. He fiddles with his hands. 

“I knew before we played truth or dare. Once Sarah kissed me, I just knew for sure,” Brendon answers. 

“I’m sorry that I kept on trying to get you to date Sarah,” Ryan says. He tentatively leans his head on Brendon’s shoulder. Brendon leans his head on Ryan’s.

“It’s okay, you didn’t know.”

“I just wish I wouldn’t have pushed you so far. I’m sorry Brendon.”

“Ryan, you didn’t know. It’s okay.”

“Okay... Brendon, I have to tell you something,” Ryan says. He’s the one who is shy now. What if he’s pushing his luck? They only just admitted who they really are. Ryan’s palms become clammy.

“What is it?” Brendon asks. He glances at Ryan.

“What’s it like to like someone? Like more than a friend?”

“I don’t know. Why?”

“You’re gonna laugh, and tell me I’m stupid.”

“I won’t, I promise Ryan.”

“I like you Brendon. Like a lot. And I know it’s stupid, and you probably don’t like me back,” Ryan says. He pulls away from Brendon.

“It’s not stupid, Ryan. Remember when we kissed?”

“Of course I do.”

“It wasn’t just a kiss. It’s stupid, but I was hoping that the kiss would mean something to you. Ya know? Like I don’t know. Maybe I was hoping that we could be something more,” Brendon says. He cups Ryan’s face, making him look at Brendon. 

“That’s why you were scared to tell me who you wanted to kiss. You were scared I wouldn’t feel the same,” Ryan answers. A tear falls down his cheek. He hugs Brendon. 

“I can’t tell you how scared I’ve been,” Brendon says quietly. He holds Ryan even tighter.

“It’s all okay now. I’m here for you,” Ryan says back. He pulls away from the younger boy. Ryan leans in and kisses Brendon softly.


	7. First Date

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry at how late this chapter is. It’s also really short. Oh god this is just a big wreck

Every year since Brent, Dallon, Ryan, Brendon and Spencer met they have always gotten together the morning of July fourth so they could plan for their party the next night. Ryan, as much as he hates it, has everyone over at his house.

“Hey B, whatcha doing tonight?” Dallon asks. He smirks at Spencer and Brent. 

“I’m going someplace,” Brendon answers, rolling his eyes at Dallon. Brent smirks.

“Where?” Brent asks. Ryan glances at Brendon who gives a small shrug.

“Ever heard of Symphony on the Prairie?” Brendon asks. Brent shrugs, but Dallon and Spencer both nod. Ryan is the only one who doesn’t react.

“Yeah. But why are you going?” Dallon asks.

“Because I like music,” Brendon responds hesitantly. He knows that his friends are up to something.

“And?” Spencer prompts, wagging his eyebrows.

“And?” Brendon asks. He gives Ryan a panicked look. 

“And who are you going with?” Spencer asks. Brendon freezes, a blush creeping up his cheeks. 

“Ryan,” Brendon answers shyly. Brent looks at Ryan, who’s face is pink.

“You both seem pretty...oh what’s the word...shy about this topic,” Brent states. He’s starting to figure things out. All of their friends are. 

“I’m not shy about this topic.”

“Big bet. Why are you both shy about this?” Dallon asks. He looks at Ryan, who is blushing deeply and avoiding eye contact.

“Umm...” Ryan says looking at Brendon. Neither of them knows what to do. Brendon shakes his head.

“Because we’re sorta kinda dating,” Brendon says quietly.

“What! That’s great!” Dallon shouts, smiling at his two friends. Brendon ducks his head to try to hide his blush. He feels slightly relieved that his friends now know.

“Yeah. We just don’t want people knowing. So could you guys not tell anyone?” Ryan asks shyly.

“We won’t tell anyone,” Dallon promises.

<><><><>

That night, as Brendon and Ryan are sitting on a blanket at Symphony on the Prairie, Brendon grabs Ryan’s hand. 

“I’m really happy we could do this tonight,” Brendon murmurs, just loud enough to be heard over the music. Thankfully, it’s dark out so no one will see the blush that creeps onto Ryan’s cheeks.

“Me too. Thanks for asking me to come with you. This means so much to me,” Ryan responds with a smile. He leans his head against Brendon’s shoulder. The music continues as fireworks are set off. It’s quit beautiful, really. The sun had only set a couple minutes ago, so the faintest light can still be seen on the horizon, and mixed with the music...it’s so much more than Brendon could have ever expected. It makes their date almost magical.

“No problem,” Brendon murmurs. He hears Ryan sigh contently.

“Can I ask you something,” Ryan asks, sitting up a bit so he can look at Brendon.

“Of course.”

“Do you think this will last? Or, are we just summer fling?” Ryan asks. Brendon shakes his head. 

“I think we’re going to last. I don’t think you understand how much I like you, Ryan,” Brendon says. He hopes Ryan can tell how serious he’s being. Ryan is the best thing that’s ever happened to him. Losing him, would be like losing a piece of himself. 

“Really?”

“I couldn’t ever let you go,” Brendon relies. He sits up completely so he can hug his boyfriend. Ryan relaxes into his embrace.

“I love you,” he whispers so quietly, the music almost carries it away. But Brendon heard it, and it’s enough for him. It makes him incredibly happy that Ryan said that.

“I love you too,” Brendon says back. The music carries on all around them. Brendon has never felt happier. He feels so lucky that Ryan is with him. He’s amazing, handsome, and smart. It’s all Brendon has ever hoped for, and he’s sure that Ryan feels the same way.


	8. First Sex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning...I suck at writing smut. Like, I can’t explain how bad I am at writing it

Brendon decides that being in a relationship with Ryan is the best thing that’s ever happened to him. So; one Friday after school, as Ryan is laying on his couch, with his head in Brendon’s lap, Brendon decides he wants to try something. He awkwardly leans down, and connects his lips to Ryan’s. Ryan hums in approval, but pulls away. 

“Why the sudden urge to kiss me?” RYan teases with a smile. He sits up, and faces Brendon. The younger boy blushes, and ducks his head, but Ryan puts his hand under Brendon’s chin to lift his head. 

“I wanna try something,” Brendon admits. He can feel his cheeks burning at his idea. He’s incredibly nervous that Ryan won’t want to try his idea. Ryan smiles, and drops his hand from Brendon’s chin. He thinks that Ryan is already rejecting him, but Ryan grabs his hand and squeezes it, almost like he’s encouraging him. Somehow, Brendon finds the courage to actually tell Ryan. 

“I want to...have sex with you,” Brendon mumbles shyly. When Brendon finally meets Ryan’s eyes, he realises that Ryan is smiling. 

“Me too,” Ryan whispers. Brendon smiles, and falls against Ryan, which makes him laugh. 

“Thank God.”

“Did you think I would say no?” Ryan asks. His hand rubs the back of Brendon’s head. 

“I don’t know,” Brendon admits. He sits up and looks at Ryan. They both smile at each other. 

“Well, I want too Brendon. I trust you.

“I trust you too,” Brendon mumbles before he kisses Ryan. He wants to take things slow. Why wouldn’t they? Ryan’s mom won’t be home until the morning, and Brendon’s parents know he is staying with Ryan for the weekend. Ryan pulls Brendon down so he’s on top of him. Brendon moans when Ryan pushes his hips against Brendon’s. He’s almost completely hard. He leans back so he can pull his shirt off, and thankfully Ryan does the same thing. Tries to kiss Brendon, but Brendon stops him.

“Wait. Can we go to your bedroom?” Brendon asks. He’s slightly out of breath. Ryan nods and sits up. Brendon pulls him off the couch. The boys practically run to Ryan’s room. As soon as they get in the room, Brendon gently pushes Ryan onto his bed, while he unbuckles his pants. As he slides them off with his boxers, he looks at Ryan, who is staring at him with his mouth slightly open. When Brendon’s pants the floor, he steps out of them so he can walk to Ryan. Ryan quickly starts to unbuckle his pants. He gets them halfway down his legs, when Brendon helps him pull the off. He looks at Ryan, and realised that he wasn’t wearing any boxers. He blushes when he leans down to kiss Ryan and their erections brush against each other. Ryan pulls at Brendon’s hips so he can grind against them. One of them moans, but Brendon isn’t sure who it was. All he does know is that he’s never felt anything this good before. Ryan suddenly sits up.

“I...I have something to-um- help. Dallon got it for me,” Ryan mumbles as he reaches into his bedside table. A few seconds later he pulls out a small bottle of lube. “So...umm...do you wanna be too or-uh-bottom?” Ryan asks asks shyly.

“Bottom,” Brendon answers immediately. Ryan smiles shyly. He squirts some lube onto fingers. Brendon lays on his back on the bed, and spreads his legs. Ryan blushes when he looks at Brendon’s dick. It’s got to be at least seven inches, maybe eight, and Ryan’s a little happy he’s top. Brendon looks at him expectantly. Ryan crawls between his legs, and he puts his finger against Brendon’s hole. He slowly pushes in, and Brendon moans softly. Ryan tentatively moves his finger. For him, it feels weird, so he can’t imagine what this feels like for Brendon. 

“You can add another,” Brendon breathes out. Ryan does as he asks. The second finger is met with some resistance. Ryan notices how Brendon is squirming. He’s ever so slightly raising his hips to meet Ryan’s thrust. 

“More Ryan,” Brendon moans, so Ryan adds a third finger. He doesn’t stop moving his fingers this time. After some time, Ryan pulls his fingers out, without giving Brendon any warning.

“Hey-“ Brendon all but whines, but stops when he notices Ryan slicking up his dick with the lube. Ryan raises to his knees, and grabs the head of his dick. Ryan pushes in. He’s never felt anything like this before. Brendon’s extremely tight, and it takes all of Ryan’s strength to not bottom out in one thrust. 

“Fuck, Brendon,” Ryan moans. Brendon grabs his hips and pulls him closer, which makes him bottom out.

“Oh shit. Fuck,” Brendon moans. Ryan starts to move his hips. He’s not gentle, but he’s making sure not to hurt Brendon. If god existed, he’d surely send them both to hell for the sounds they’re making. It’s like Ryan can’t control how his hips are snapping against Brendon’s. 

“Ry-fuck-ahhh. I’m close,” Brendon managed to get out. Ryan nods his head. He can feel his own orgasm building in the pit of his stomach. With one last stuttering thrust, he cums. He feels completely drained in the best way possible, but he continues to thrust into Brendon, until he cries out with his own orgasm. He cums all over his stomach. Ryan pulls out of Brendon. Ryan grabs a blanket and pulls it over the two of them. 

“That was amazing,” Brendon mumbles happily against Ryan’s chest.

“I agree,” Ryan replies. They both fall asleep, neither of them thinking about anything but each other.


	9. First Coming Out/ Getting Kicked Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This happens a few hours after the last chapter did

Brendon wakes up to someone flipping the light to Ryan's room on. Brendon knows Ryan didn't do it because he's holding him. Brendon sits up, and looks through squinted eyes at who turned the light on. With a sinking feeling, Brendon sees Ryan's mom in the doorway.

"Shit," Brendon whispers as he shakes Ryan's shoulder. Ryan grumbles, and tries to push Brendon's hand off of him. 

"What the hell, Brendon? Why are the lights on?" Ryan complains as he tries to sit up. He looks at Brendon's face, and sees how pale it is. He knows he must look scared. "Are you okay?" Ryan asks, suddenly worried. Brendon shakes his head. And points to the door. Ryan pales when he sees his mother. 

"Ryan," his mom says. Ryan's heart starts to race. His mom glances down at the blanket that is pooled at their hips, and that's when Ryan know that they don't have any clothes on, and his mother knows. 

"Mom. I can explain."

"Get dressed, both of you, and come downstairs," she says. She closes the door behind her, leaving the two boys alone. They both get dressed in silence, and make their way downstairs. Brendon can practically feel how nervous Ryan is. Ryan grabs Brendon's hand and squeezes it, which makes Brendon smile slightly. The boys walk into the kitchen, and they see Ryan's mom standing in the pantry. She turns around with a package of cookies in her hand. She sets the package don on he table.

"I'm not upset about finding you two like that, but who would like to tell me why exactly you were both naked and in bed," Ryan's mom states. She doesn't sound mad, which makes Brendon and Ryan extremely happy. Ryan shifts his feet uncomfortably. 

"We...mom-" Ryan whines. Brendon can feel him shaking. Brendon lets go of his hand so he can slide it around Ryan's waist. Ryan's mom smiles knowingly. 

"Ryan, I don't care what you two were doing, as long as I know that you're being safe," she says. Ryan stops shaking.

"So you don't care that we're together?" Brendon asks slowly. She shakes her head.

"It doesn't matter who you're with. If they're a good person, I approve," she tells the boys.

"I thought you'd hate me," Ryan says. His voice cracks, and Brendon pulls Ryan into a hug. Ryan starts to cry.

"Ryan, I could never hate you," his mom says as she hugs the boys. As she lets go of them, Ryan lets go of Brendon. 

"I'm sorry we didn't tell you sooner. We haven't really told anyone. Only Spencer, Dallon, and Brent," Ryan explains. He grabs Brendon's hand again. 

"So you haven't told your parents yet?" she asks Brendon. He shake his head. He doesn't like where this is going. 

"You need to tell them. I'll drive you over to your house at seven. I know it won't be easy, but you need to tell them," she says. She walks upstairs. Brendon's stomach start to do summersaults. He knows how is family views the LGBTQ+ community. With them being Mormon, they follow the church's stance-which is all LGBTQ+ people need and will burn in hell. 

"We should probably put a shirt on. It's almost seven," Ryan says. Brendon nods his head. Slowly, the boys walk back up the stairs to Ryan's room.

"Ryan, I'm scared," Brendon says quietly after he pulls on one of Ryan's sweatshirts. Ryan looks at him with heavy eyes. 

"I know. I'm sorry my mom caught us."

"It's not your fault, Ryan."

"Okay," Ryan replies softly. He checks the time on his phone. 

"It's time to go, isn't it?" Brendon asks, his voice shaking. Ryan nods, and they make their way downstairs. Ryan's mom is waiting for them.

"Ready to go?" she asks. Brendon shakes his head. 

"It's gonna be okay," Ryan says. Brendon barely nods his head as they walk out the door to Ryan's mom's car, and get in. The five minute drive is spent in silence. When they pull up to his house, they all slowly get out of the car. He can feel his heart start to race. He can't do this, not without his parents yelling at him. It hurts to know that he's not going to have a chance at being accepted by his family. Slowly, the three of them walk to the front door. He rings the doorbell, and Brendon's mom opens the door a few seconds later. She looks surprised to see them there.

"Is everything okay?" Brendon's mom asks with a worried voice.

"Everything's fine. But Brendon and Ryan need to tell you something," Ryan's mom replies, and Brendon's mom opens the door wider so they can all come in. They all walk inside, and Brendon immediately sees his father and sisters sitting at the their kitchen table. His stomach seems to sink even more.

"What do you have to tell us?" Brendon's mom asks as she sits back down at the table. Brendon looks down at his feet. He feels like he's going to throw up. 

"Ryan and I are together," Brendon says quietly. He feels Ryan grab his hand, and he slightly feels better. 

"No. Men don't belong together," Brendon's dad says harshly. Brendon doesn't move. 

"Says who?" Brendon challenges quietly. 

"Brendon Boyd Urie, we, and the church have taught you that only men and women belong together! You know the ways of the church, so why are you trying to go against it?" Brendon's mom shouts, and Brendon finally looks up so he can glare at her. 

"Well fuck the church and its teachings. They're complete shit. Why do people care about who dates who?" Brendon shouts back. His dad stands up so fast, that his chair falls over. 

"No one gave you permission to talk like that, fag," Brendon's dad sneers. His sisters all get up and leave, either because they don't like the yelling, or because they don't want to see their brother get yelled at. 

"Don't call him that," Ryan's mom says defensively. Brendon's dad smirks. 

"I can call him whatever I want."

"Fuck off," Brendon growls. His dad walks to him, and slaps him across his cheek. Brendon stumbles back, and he lets go of Ryan's hand so he can hold his cheek. 

"Get out of my house you fucking faggot," his dad screams. Brendon runs out of the front door with Ryan and his mom close behind. Brendon's chest feels like someone is squeezing it, and he knows that he is getting a panic attack. A sob rises in his throat. He tries to push it down, but he can't hold it back. He starts to sob, and Ryan catches him before he falls. 

"I'm so sorry," Ryan whispers while Brendon cries on his shoulder. After a few minutes, he calms down.

"What am I going to do now?" Brendon asks brokenly. He has no home now. He's fucking homeless. Brendon wants to laugh.

"You'll stay with us," Ryan's mom says as Ryan helps Brendon stand up.

"Thank you so much."


	10. First skipping school/running from cops

School sucks, and everyone knows it. So, that's why Brendon is making the executive decision to skip school. 

"If we really do this, what would we do?" Ryan asks. He's laying on his bed with his hands behind his head. His t-shirt is raised so there is a sliver of his stomach showing. 

"We could go to the creek."

"Okay. We haven't been there in a while, have we?" Brendon shakes his head. 

"A couple years, I think. So, you'll do it?" Brendon asks hopefully. Ryan smiles.

"Sure. Why the hell not?"

"Okay. Well, your mom already left for work, right?"

"Yeah."

"Then let's go now. My mom will think we’re leaving for school,” Brendon says sadly. He grabs his back pack and stands up off of his bed. He starts to walk out of the room.

“Brendon, wait.”

“What?” Brendon turns around.

“Why do you come back here every morning? You can just move in with us,” Ryan says as he grabs his back pack. 

Brendon knows that Ryan has been wanting to ask this for a while. “We can talk about it at the creek,” Brendon says. He walks down the hallway to the kitchen. He grabs some chips and some Coke. Brendon’s mom doesn’t look up from her newspaper as he walks by her. He waits for Ryan to walk out the front door before he slams it closed. 

They walk in silence to the edge of the woods at the end of the street. Even if Brendon’s mom saw them go into the woods-what could she possibly do? She doesn’t care enough to talk to, or even acknowledge him. 

“Brendon, what’s going on?” Ryan asks as they walk down the trail to the creek. He sighs. 

“I don’t know.” He admits. “I feel like I owe them something.”

Ryan shakes his head. “You don’t owe them anything. They disrespected you, and they still do. Why do you keep going back?”

They finally get to the creek, and Brendon sits down on the sand, not caring about his pants. “They’re my family, and I get that they’re assholes to me. I just-Ryan, I don’t know what to do,” he admits. Even though his parents are pushing him away, he can’t do it. He still cares about them. 

Ryan sits down next to him and puts an arm around him. “I know it can’t be easy. But-I don’t know. Brendon, I love you and I just want the best for you.” Ryan says. Brendon sighs. 

"I know you just want what's best for me. I'm just being difficult. And, I want to move in with you. If that's okay."

Ryan beams, which makes Brendon smile. "Of course. My mom's been wanting you to move in for weeks. We should probably get your stuff then."

"Yeah, we probably should. I just don't know when. Maybe on the weekend? When my parents won't be there, Brendon says. He's used to being left alone on the weekends when his parents go church-led events. It would be the perfect time to get his things. 

"That sounds like a plan. Um, can I ask you something?" Ryan asks. Brendon can hear how nervous he now sounds. 

"Sure."

"Am I...Is this really worth losing your family over?"

"Even if I said it was a phase, they'd still make me go to some kind of anti-gay camp. You're worth this. Now, can I ask you something?" Brendon asks. He's sad that his parents can't put their religion aside for him. That they're choosing him second. 

Ryan nods his head. 

"Would I be worth it, if you were me?" 

Ryan pulls away from him. "Of couse! You make me so happy. The happiest I've been in a long time."

"Yout make me so happy, Ryan," Brendon says as he lays down on the ground. Ryan follows, and lays his head on Brendon's chest. They both fall alseep.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Brendon wakes up a few hours later to Ryan shaking his shoulder.

"Get up, B. I hear police sirens, and people calling our names!" Ryan shouts. Brendon opens his eyes and sits up. Ryan is squaring next to him with the backpack on. Fear is written in his eyes. 

"What do you mean-" Brendon starts, but stops when hear faintly heard his name being called followed by Ryan's name. "Shit," He whispers as he stands up. His parents must have called the cops. 

"B, we gotta go. We can go back to my house and say that we're both sick or something!" Ryan says as he starts jogging upstream. The creek will eventually lead them to the court Ryan lives in. Brendon runs to catch up to his boyfriend. Their shoes are soaked by now, but the people that were calling their names fade. "This is really bad. My mom is working a double shift, so she won't be home. And, I've left school early without telling her before," Ryan adds between breaths. Brendon can see the rows of houses as they run. Soon, they exit the forset, and run across the road to Ryan's house. Ryan pulls a key out of his pocket, and fumbles to get it into the hole. Brendon pushes him through the door as soon as it's open. They crash through the door. Ryan slams it closed. 

"Okay. Okay, we're fine. If anyone asks, you were feeling sick on the way to school, so I took you home and I was going to make sure you're okay. And you didn't want to bother your mom at work, so that's why you didn't call her," Brendon says he walks to Ryan's room. His heart is hammering in his chest. This is very bad. His parents are going to kill him if they get caught. 

"What do we do now? I can't call my mom, because then she'll know something is wrong," Ryan says as he sits down on his bed. He puts his head in his heads, and runs them through his hair. 

“I know. I’m sorry, Ryan. This was all my idea,” Brendon says as he sits next to his boyfriend. 

“It’s not your fault that the cops were called. It’s both of our faults because we both skipped,” Ryan replies. He’s quiet for a few seconds before adding, “Pull my computer chair to my bed, so when my mom gets home tonight, it’ll look like you were taking care of me. I’ll get some crackers and some water,” Ryan says as he walks into the kitchen. Brendon stands up so he can pull the chair next to the bed. Ryan comes back a few seconds later with a box of crackers and a water bottle. Ryan lays down on his bed, and Brendon sits in the chair. 

“Now we wait,” Brendon whispers, mostly to himself, but Ryan still nods his head in agreement. 

<><><><><><><><>

It’s about 4pm when Ryan’s mom comes home. She slams the front door, and both boys cringe. “Ryan! Get your ass down here right now! Brendon, you too!” His mom shouts. Brendon stands up. 

“Act like you’re sick and sleeping. I’ll be right back,” Brendon tells him. He walks out of his room and down the stairs. He sees Ryan’s mom is waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs, scowling. 

“Would you care to explain why I got a call from your mother, the school, and the police? And where the hell is Ryan?” She demands. 

“On our way to school, he threw up, and felt really awful, so I took him back here. He didn’t want to call you because he didn’t want to bother you at work. And-I didn’t want him to be alone, so I stayed with him,” Brendon explains. Thankfully, his voice doesn’t waver. Ryan’s moms scowl turns into a look of concern. 

“Is he okay now?” She asks. Brendon nods his head. 

“Yeah. He had some crackers and water, and has slept most of the day. I’m sorry, I should have called you, or the school,” Brendon apologises. He does feel bad. But he’s still scared. 

“We all make mistakes. I’ll make some chicken noodle soup. Go and wait with him, and I’ll call you both down when it’s ready. But next time, call me or the school. Okay?” She asks.

Brendon nods again. “I will. Thank you for not being upset about this.”

“It no big deal,” she says as she starts getting ingredients out. Brendon makes his way back upstairs. Ryan is sitting on his bed with his phone out.

“Well?” He asks. 

“Well, I just explained that you threw up on the way to school, and we didn’t want to bother your mom at work,” Brendon explains with a smile. He’s so relieved that Ryan’s mom believed him. 

“Well. I’m feeling a lot better, now. Thanks for telling her for me,” Ryan laughs. 

“Anytime.”


End file.
